r/AmITheA**Hole For Making My Child Cry With Brutal Honesty?

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#AITA #Family #Parenting


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43 Responses

  1. ScubaSue Reynard says:

    I don’t think she wants to “ do things” I think she wants to talk about things she wants to talk about with a woman all the mom needs to do is really hear what is is she is saying.

  2. lkuhhdsfgasdgvdadfg says:

    The mom and daughter: not the ahole. She was hounest. You should ALWAYS be hounest. Its always the right thing to do. Period. And there issues are natural. He mom is a girl who likes girl stuff, while the daughter is more like a boy being into boy stuff. So sure, they have a different dynamic because they are vary different people. Nothing wrong with that. The daughter isnt wrong for being upset, you can never help how you feel, thats not something anyone should be poo-pooed for, but ultimately how she feels is her problem. Not her moms. Mom you did fine, the daughter needs to accept and deal.

  3. Suellen Dodd says:

    OP they are copping out!!get rid of all of them!!

  4. Suellen Dodd says:


  5. Suellen Dodd says:

    who is or was walking her down tbe aisle..you paid her college now she wants you to pay her wedding..bet Dad bio…is walking her down tge aisle..father bio gave her a couple thousand dollars..guarantee her dad wont want OP at the wedding!!

  6. Suellen Dodd says:

    are u an idiot..if they had soothed the kid it would mean oh look he apologized i learn nothing because mom says poor baby its ok man/woman says sorry dont cry its okay!! but its not okay do not reinforce the Mom that ythe kid did nothing wrong..understand…OP is responsible..Mom not!!OP NOT THE A..HO!E!!

  7. chuck sellers says:

    First OP, you are wrong, but you. An fix it. DO BETTER!!!

  8. Grant Z says:

    I find it interesting that half of the comments are calling them an AH and that, as a mother, OP should be taking an interest in the daughters interests. Did they skip the whole section where OP tried her daughters interests?

    I'd love to see the story as it would be posted 5 to 7 years ago.
    "I try connecting with my daughter, exposing her to my interests, and to learn about hers. She has no interest in my interests, and I have a hard time understanding and getting into hers. Tried to find common ground, and there seems to not be."
    Commenters would be like, she obviously doesn't want that bond, stop trying to force a bond when one clearly isn't wanted.
    Reddit also constantly tells parents to treat and talk to their adult children as adults, OP does, and they get crucified for it.
    At the daughters age, she too should have been trying to take an interest in their mother's interests to create a bond, this isn't 100% on OP.

  9. Connor Burnett says:

    story about op having to share room with baby…nta for sure

  10. Ms. Lady says:

    Find new activities, indoor rock climbing, snow boarding, get toes done, learn how to do bathroom tile.

  11. Candie Barr says:

    There's nearly a 40 year age gap between my mom and I. She's and extrovert and I'm an introvert. We spend time together doing normal, every day chores together. We also go for picnics when the weather is nice. She likes cleaning up around the families Graves and I like cemeteries and it's normally a fairly pretty area with decent shady areas so going for picnics there works for both of us.

  12. Demelicos Helsaint says:

    Saying "I'm not gay" = Homophobic? Last time I checked calling someone gay who isn't gay as an insult was the bad thing to do. wtf?

    The neighbours staying over one. NTA. I don't care what the circumstances are. The one doing the favour should suffer the most, not hoist that flag to others. If the crib can comfortably fit in the sisters room as well, and the parents can obviously hear it to, then why is that not something that could happen? What is the sister giving up here? It sounds very much like some level of favoritism is in play. As for the main issue, when I was 24, I wouldn't have wanted someone elses child hoisted upon me either waking me up in the middle of the night. I'd bet 90% of the people calling her an asshole in this would act the same if they were placed in this situation. Hell, I doubt even one of them would appreciate having to do someone a forced favour. If they wouldn't mind, I'd love to hear how many homeless people they cram into their place every winter given the general simularity of the circumstances.I am sure you can find some homeless mothers that would love a free place to stay.

  13. asher scott says:

    About the incest one, who really cares? As long as they don't have a biological child, why does it matter? I also wonder if this rumor is just that, a rumor.

  14. pumpkintartable says:

    the gay friend is wildly inappropriate … but I feel like we're not getting the whole story if everyone else thinks OP ruined the evening

  15. Carol Hogan says:

    The mother is the ahole I'm not close to my mother in fact people that know me have asked me R U sure she your mother. So if op isn't trying to bond with her daughter then ops daughter will just go NC like I've done with my mother.
    I haven't called her in years for all she knows I could be dead.

  16. Sue Hirsch says:

    Re OP telling Mom she was a bad Mom: NOT THE AH. I'd have said the same thing and added that she should look in the mirror and at all of her travel receipts.

  17. Sue Hirsch says:

    Re college tuition disparity: This opinion will be unpopular- Equality in this case would be like seeing that one kid had a scraped elbow and the other had a big bump on the head and telling them both "Here's a band aid for your elbow. OP wants to do what will ultimately and eventually be BEST for each kid as an INDIVIDUAL rather than breaking the bank, giving his daughter a band aid for her elbow (tuition for an expensive school when he knows that she isn't READY to get a proper education out of it. He didn't RULE OUT giving her more at a later time, when she is better prepared to go to a better school, in fact, OP did/said just the opposite. He's giving her time not only to PROVE HERSELF but also to figure out what she's passionate about for a career.

    Also, college is not the end all and beat all. OP could as effectively (and without guilt) have required/asked his daughter to take a gap year, in order to figure out what she wants and then helped her to get into a trade/vocational school.

  18. Masha Spikego says:

    The twin story is one situation where you can honestly say “they are totally in love with themselves”.

  19. Quickglitter451 plays says:

    Okay at 1:19:02 op your not the ass hole here bc that’s your room not the baby’s you didn’t give birth to a baby at all it’s the parents and your mom they are the ass holes for that not you op if it was me and they ask me if the baby can stay in my room I will be like it’s not my problem I didn’t give birth to that baby so no I don’t want the baby in my room

  20. Buuam says:

    If she wanted the same money as her brother she should've shown her dedication like the brother did? Yeah they are favoring the son but like he earned his spot? You can't do the bare minimum then expect the maximum payout like in what world is that fair to the brother that busted his ass to be valedictorian?

  21. Winnie The Pooh And Eeyore 2 says:

    Dude, you're deleting comments.. Bye

  22. Winnie The Pooh And Eeyore 2 says:

    The college Story: Son earned it, Daughter DID NOT

  23. Mog-Gyver O'Neill says:

    This will probably be hated on, but the parents paying more for the son than the daughter ARE NOT the arseholes. I'm sorry, but in my opinion, the daughter seems to only want this because the son is getting it, and not because of a burning desire to wanting to learn, but to ’experience the college life?!' Community college is a perfect start to prove herself to her parents, to show them she's serious. If the parents spent that money for the daughter, and she doesn't do well for whatever reason, there might be resentments later on. I don't understand why people think that children who aren't the same academically should be treated the same in this capacity. If, for example, the daughter wanted to go to Beauty School, Plumber Academy, etc, something very different than the brother, but it's what she wanted to do and it cost $15,000, why would it matter how much the brother's fees cost?

  24. Gay Werewolf says:

    Story 1: NTA. the assholes are the ones who came yelling while knowing nothing about the situation. and the daughter wants a close bnd, not just a healthy one so talking about each other's day will not cut it. it's, imo, very hard to have a close bond with someone or to forge a close bond with someone when you don't even have a common interest(s) that opens up that pathway. and the daughter is a grown woman already, instead of expecting mommy dearest to fix it, she herself should bring it up with her and see if she wants to do it and, together, think of something they would both enjoy (or both should compromise) instead of letting mommy put in all the work and her just following along like the lost puppy she is. and the world is cruel, if she can't handle brutal honesty then idk what to say to that

  25. Juliana Hendrix says:

    Are you from one of those masogenistic societies who don't value girl children ?

  26. gaidin21 says:

    Response to 1st story:
    My dad and I have almost nothing in common. He's an old country boy sports fan, and I'm a tech gaming scif-fi/fantasy nerd.
    We didn't connect very well when I was still a teen. However, now that we're adults, we have a decent relationship.
    What I've learned is it doesn't take much "interest" to build that bond.

    I have dinner with him and his wife almost every week.
    I've developed enough interest in football and baseball to enjoy joining him to watch the occasional game.
    We've occasionally had "game nights" of "Sorry" or "Skip-Bo".
    We've gone on family vacations with the folks and my brother's family.
    I join him to watch my nephews play soccer during their seasons (and I could care less about soccer).

    Point is, you don't have to bond over some deep love of a shared "interest".
    Having enough interest in the other person to appreciate them is sufficient.
    The "interest" can be just an excuse to spend time together. The relationship builds the bond.

  27. Madame Vasterle says:

    Holy lannister bullshit batman

  28. OGKnightBro94 says:

    Nursing school is a lot and then she thinks she’s entitled for a huge wedding she does need to get reasonable

  29. Annie B says:

    Just got to the twin part…. WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!

  30. Annie B says:

    I wouldn't want a baby in my room either. The whole family can sleep in the living room. Fuck that mom and the entitled neighbors. A LOT of people hate kids and have problems being around other peoples energy and noises. Mom that fucking baby can go in YOUR room!

  31. Kash The dancer says:

    The Mom is an Asshole. My mother is a hippy/biker chick. I'm the tech Nerd and Geek. She watches crime dramas, NCIS, And Old Movies. I'm into Supernatural, Teen Wolf, and Marvel. We have two vastly different lifestyles.

    BUT! we both love to travel and see different places. She has never seen an episode of Supernatural But went to a convention with me a few years back. We got home and she sat and watched the first three seasons because she needs to know who was who when we went to the next one.

    We visited the set of NCIS New Orleans Together and I was gaga over the cast because I remembered Scot Bacula from Quantum Leap.

    We both fell in love with The Masked Singer and now on Wednesdays nights, we pop popcorn get snacks, and veg out on the couch in our P.Js and watch the show. We are 45 and 62 it's our way to keep ourselves sain living together and taking care of my father who is dying of cancer.

    We found a love of crafting and are starting a Home business together and after dad passes we plan to retire from our day jobs and buy a 5th wheel. we are gonna travel and grieve my dad and sell our crafts down south in the winter months.

    we are two vastly different people. we should never have been close but we found common ground and now we have a retirement plan in place that will allow us to enjoy the back half of our lives.

  32. Tony A says:

    Hello sorry for all the misspellings and editing errors on this entry. I'm dictating into my iPad and no of the inaccuracies and have done my best to clean them up but due to the technical limitations I'm certain that there are errors within and apologize if the entry is difficult to understand. When I get some time later I'll take another look and edit as needed.

    I'd like to add a perspective to the parent dealing with the two children and funding their college. The son being the superior student and the daughter C/C+ student. First of all I do not believe that you came to this Reddit to get advice for yourself. I believe that you came here to give your daughter some advice and hope to get the crowd on this channel would give us a mature and solid advice and that was a mistake on your part. Although there is certainly a population of older and successful adults I believe that most of the population here is young either in high school or college or working their way through their younger lives in finding their adulthood. I wish them all well. However, that is hardly a population that is going to be equipped with the life's experiences to actually give your daughter any useful advice.

    That being said I'm an older adult at 56 years old. And what I'd like to share with you is what it was for me when I went to college. I come from the a family of four children and along with the rest of us a little brats I was also one of those C+ students. There was a lot of reasons for it. We had alcohol abuse in my family domestic violence and I can go on, but that's not the purpose of this post. Suffice it to say I was not raised in an environment that was concerned about academic achievement. In any event I did have a higher IQ and understood that there was a potential for me to go to school. And then I should try. So that's what I did. I went to a really excellent university that I had no business attending but was put in on academic probation. That was my first mistake. Everybody in those colleges are smart. Even under achievers like me were smart but I like the academic skills because I never developed them in high school or gradeschool. I never had the discipline to sit down and study and when I did try to study I really didn't know how to do it. I understood enough that I could grasp information but I was a horrible student despite my best effort. I absolutely failed miserably and left college after those two years with some student loan debt and no way to pay it back.

    After that I couldn't go home because of the environment so I decided to go to another state. A lot of details but I found a place to live that and found a job and found myself in that college and started taking the courses that I failed at. I turned myself around and went back to the same college. Despite my improved GPA ice still had financial challenges and needed to join the Army reserves. Mistake number two was that I should've gone active duty.

    More details on the active duty decision later but I did go back to college and found out it was a lot easier. Something about living hand to mouth for a couple of years and being humbled by life made it possible for me to prioritize school. I've actually taken some classes in the community college that taught me how to study better so it was a real benefit that I went to the community college. However, and despite joining the Army reserves and having the G.I. Bill I didn't have enough money for college. So after a year I had to take a break and find a job and try to get myself back into college. It was a pain in the neck but somehow I pulled it off and once again I was living hand to mouth cruddy jobs and trying to make it in life. Not a good way to live and not a good way to have a focus on education.

    After returning I graduated from college. And ironically just because of the amount of classes that I took I was able to graduate, but I also ended up with a pretty cruddy GPA because the whole time in college I was still living hand to mouth and really was not focused on academics. But I did graduate and I was able to get a job.

    After working in the civilian world for about 10 years I decided to go active duty military. Instead of going to the Army I chose the Air Force. It was a good call because I had a knee injury from a motorcycle accident and knew that I would not be able to last 20 years with a rucksack on my back. But I really miss the Army. There was something to be said for an organizational that had a bunch of people in it that worked so hard together and if you had difficulties you could actually go out back and fight it out and then go back into the office. But that was a different military it evolves away from that but I have to be honest I miss that military. I still do. Anyway it's been about six months since I retired. I've got a bunch of money in the bank, Couple of houses, and finally had the chance to work on my masters. A lot of people got their masters while they were active duty and for some reason I just never had the time. But I do now and I'm enjoying my civilian job. It doesn't pay near as much as being in the military but it's a great start as I transition back to civilian world.

    So, what's my point with this long winded story? Well the part of it was that I just needed to put it down here because I'm going through memory lane and I'm sorry you had to read your way through it but here's a point either upon graduation from high school she would have gone to a two-year college. I would've been better off in getting the skills that I needed to get. I made the correct decision in moving out of my house but because I went to a university and left with a great deal of bills I complicated my start in life. I don't know what your daughters story is or how her environment is but perhaps the best thing you can do for her is give her an apartment help her find a job and put her into your school and let her figure it out from there. It sounds pretty harsh but she doesn't need to stay in your house anymore. If she wants to make something out of herself she will. If you want to make sure that she makes something out of herself then get the hell out of her way and that means not giving her any money too. In my life I actually improved when there was a challenge and I need to rise up to it. Yes there's a chance I could've failed. Yes there's a chance I could've died in a motorcycle accident. But I didn't.

    Best of luck to you all

  33. Carol Lear says:

    The fist story the mother is not a hole. Because her mother told her the truth she is 19 years old there’s nothing in common.The mother is a girly girl and she’s not. And before someone comes after me understand me and my mother does not have anything, she’s prepping I am not. I know she loves me she did do the same the thing what op did when i was younger. I will never be close to her but I do care about her and she care about me.

  34. Twist O'lemon says:

    Mother is the A-hole….. She only really tried with things she is interested in. Let's see… Gym… Joining a club/ association??

    Or maybe simply – Talking and hugging a lot. You know you don't have to have common interests to be close to someone. Maybe even telling her that would have made her feel miles closer to you.

  35. Rhiannon McKinstry says:

    Parents should ALWAYS talk with their children on how to approach animals, whether they think it likely or not. You see a dog sitting in the street that looks approachable, you don't just let your kid loose, you tell your kid that you will all go and ask the owner of the dog whether it is okay to pat the dog (and let them know it's okay to say no).

  36. Eowyn83 says:

    I totally disagree with Markee about the daughter who’s upset about her parents spending more money on her brother’s college. She’s proven she doesn’t take school seriously and wants her parents to invest thousands of dollars in a private college. My own cousins cost their parents thousands of dollars (and one lost his scholarship) because they screwed around instead of taking college seriously. They’re only just now getting their schooling done and careers going in their early 30s. Not everyone needs to attend a full university right after high school if they aren’t mature enough to handle it.

  37. Mrs understood says:

    As a high school graduate who had been taking college level classes in high school, the two are very different things. I was a b-c average student in highschool, but in 2/3 those college classes I was a diligent 100% A student. My lowest grade for those classes was a 92%, and it was only that low because I skipped an assignment after a close friend had a suicide attempt. A lot of C students just see that to succeed they don't need to do all the work, or they may just have a mental condition like me (ADHD, which can go undiagnosed for a long time if you're like me and you ace tests but lose assignments so teachers stop caring).

  38. Narcoleptic Sparkle Buns says:

    In the story about the wedding, I'm can not believe some if the comments. If you aren't willing to just marry someone at a court house without a wedding, then you're doing it for the wrong reasons.

    My husband I never had a wedding, got married at the court house with random witnesses and went to work. We just had our 4 year anniversary. Marriage is about partnership. F weddings.

  39. iamhungey12345 says:


    Yes you're the a-hole.

  40. Kayla Fuller says:

    Parents are not obligated to be their kids friend. Even when they are an adult.

  41. Cheree Dougherty says:

    The college story: I don't agree. OP is saying that their son has worked his butt off and EARNED the extra support, while their daughter has only messed around. They also stated that she could earn more if she worked hard, that isn't favoritism, that's parenting!

    The baby story: A lot of assumptions are being made over missing information and honestly, I would have taken the crying baby out of it's bed and taken it to it's parents. I'm not a fan of kids/babies and somewhat sympathize.

  42. SMART Cookie says:

    The college education between the 2 children. NTA why would anyone put money out when they know the student may not even follow through. I belive as a parent myself she nor the son are entitled to a college education paid for by their parents. The parents are in the right here.

  43. Carol Simpson says:

    Ops dad probably doesn't really care about her anyway- it's likely he's just trying to look good in front of his wife. I'd be really interested to know what story he told his new wife about why he neglected his first daughter for all those years.

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